Nothing can describe how incredible you feel having a child. Everyone kept telling me that but I didn't know what they meant. How could I? In fact, the thought of a baby scared me endlessly. I have no younger siblings, my younger cousins lived far away growing up and none of my close friends have children for me to ever have experienced anything with a baby. So, when Jonas arrived, I was scared to say the least. I spent the first week and a half with 'baby blues' wondering if I was hurting him, doing the wrong things, meeting his needs, etc, etc. I tried to nurse - failed miserably. I pumped - hated it (but still continue it). I generally felt completely lost. Until today.
This morning I woke up feeling good - 'baby blues' were subsiding and my mother in law was treating me to a massage (she had offered me a prenatal one my entire pregnancy but, I never felt comfortable going in for one). The massage was great. I drove home feeling so comfy and relaxed. However, when I got home, my mother in law told me that Jonas was being overly fussy (odd because he has so far been a very calm baby...sleeping well at night and having defined awake periods during the day). The fussiness got worse. He refused to be put down and would cry whenever his pacifier was out of his mouth. He wouldn't fall asleep no matter what we did. Scared, I called the doctor and suggested I bring him in tomorrow, fearing colic.
Now I am no baby-expert but, I am well aware that colic is not good. I have met people who have had colicky babies and it always seems like hell. I immediately googled colic looking for some sign that if it were the case, something could be done. One suggestion was to do the 5 S's which I had learned about in birth class. We tried, it didn't work but, we didn't have a swing. I rushed quickly out the door to Babies R Us to buy one. I never understood how my parents and my husbands parents would be willing to drop any amount of money on something to help us until my defining moment in the swing aisle at Babies R Us. I didn't care how much it was, I wanted the best plug-in swing with vibration, music and white noise with a 6 speed setting. As long as it made my little dude happy, it could have been $500 and I would have gotten it (luckily, and to the relief of my husband, it was only $105 with my coupon).
However, some time during my insane whirlwind trip to Babies R Us, my little guy did something amazing. He farted twice and pooped. I know this sounds really dumb but, I have never been so relieved to hear that farting and pooping allowed him to smile, take his 5pm bottle and fall fast asleep, no pacifier needed. I got home and broke down and realized in that moment how much I really, truly love my son. I didn't care what i had to do as long as he was OK. I know to many-a moms out there, this seems like common sense and and over reaction to probably a mild case of constipation and gas but, I don't care because I have never been so scared in my life.
For some reason, he is mesmerized by the black and white ring.